Letters to Teddy
by mymarlena
Summary: Lily's starting her fifth year at Hogwarts. Through letters to Teddy, who won't speak to her, she pours out her heart and recounts her cliche, boring teenage life and love. But things are getting dark and Lily's getting restless...
1. Chapter 1

Dear Teddy,

I know you're mad at me and I won't hassle you or anything with these letters but I need someone to talk to who won't argue back, and I figured you'd be the best candidate.

You don't come over anymore. I know you have a life and everything but we all really miss you, I think. James the most. He comes over occasionally and everytime he does he asks where you are. Is it my fault? Because if it is, I'll leave every time you come if I have to. The family is breaking apart. Dad's having those weird fits more often now. Since you stopped coming. You know the ones, where he looks out into space for ages, and then gets really mad? And mum keeps breaking down crying. All the time. She used to do it only when we were asleep but now it's like, "Hey mum can you pass the cereal?" And she turns on the waterworks. I'm so glad I spend most of my life at Hogwarts, away from them.

Speaking of which, I'm going back tomorrow. Coming up fast, huh? Already in my fifth year. Guess who is apparently the new defence against the dark arts teacher? That friend of yours - Drew or something. At least that's what Alison told me. And she got it from Howie, who's a prefect and he overheard it from Professor Hewes.

And I forgot to mention I didn't get prefect. You know that makes me the only Potter who hasn't gotten prefect? Albus and James both got it and they break rules all the time. It's a bit of a depressing thought, really. Maybe they realised that my father's talent skipped a generation. I think they approached me with high hopes and were disappointed. I don't blame them.

I think Mum and Dad are having another fight. What a perfect time to wrap up this letter and go hide in my room until they cool down. Goodnight, Teddy. If you feel the need to write I'll always except it. Send it to me at Hogwarts, if you do. Not that you will. Maybe I'm being too optomistic.

Goodnight,

Lily.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Teddy,

I'm on the train now. Guess who got prefect? Alison. Were you surprised? Neither. I've spent the whole train ride reading and writing this. Alison's been peering over my shoulder the whole time. Nosey.

I'm sure Hogwarts will be better this year. I'm kind of offended actually. Dad had a whole song and dance about Al leaving and then gave me this flimsy, half-hearted hug. Whatever. I wouldn't want to hug him anyway. I'm, pretty sure he hates me, though. He hasn't looked me in the eye in ages. Oh well. The feeling is mutual.

I bet he'd look you in the eye.

Lysander Scamander just winked at me as he walked past our compartment. Stupid git. He's lucky I didn't hex him on the spot.

I should get changed into my robes soon. The only people in the compartment are Alison, Hugo, Howie, Zac, Hannah and me. There's not much talking since Alison and Howie are furiously making out, Huge is half-asleep and the blonde couple are too flirty to make conversation with anybody except each other. I think if I dropped dead right now nobody would notice.

I'm starting to notice that a lot lately.

Write me when you're ready,

Lily.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Teddy,

I've been here two weeks and I'm so ready to leave. You wouldn't believe what Alison did. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. She's a bitch. I'll tell you what happened: Alison, who is, by the way, in a _committed _relationship with Howie, was talking to me in Charms. And I let slip that I liked Toby, this Ravenclaw in our class, and she said she thought we would be cute. Because we would, I won't lie. And then I was walking to DADA and guess who I saw making out passionately in the middle of the courtyard? Alison. And Toby. I'm sorry, you probably can't read that. I'm crying too hard.

I hate her. I hate her. I want to kill her. She's a bitch. She's a slut. I want to kill her. How dare she. She knew! She fucking knew and she did that! I want to tell Howie and watch that burn, but I like Howie. I don't want to hurt him. I want her to pay.

Why is it that I try so hard to be good to people, to be nice, to not do mean things, and then horrible people get everything I want?

Toby won't look at me. It's not like he looked at me before, but it's like he's making a point of not looking at me. Alison sat with me in DADA and I didn't say a word to her. And then we were walking to the common room, and she asked me if I was mad at her. Obviously, I acted like I wasn't.

"Of course not! Why would I be mad at you?"

"You tell me."

"I'm not mad at you for anything."

She didn't believe me. I wonder why. Maybe my acting skills aren't as good as I thought.

Maybe she noticed that I've forgotten how to smile.

That's enough drama for a day, don't you think? I think I'll leave it at that and go cry myself to sleep.

By the way, the new DADA teacher says he knows you. Professor Helwood, the Drew guy everybody said would be coming. He says he went to school with you or something. It was weird, he held me after class just to tell me that. He's not bad looking either.

But I'm not going to dwell on that - I'm too upset right now.

Goodnight and I'll always accept your letter,

Lily.


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Teddy,

I'm sorry I was so dramatic yesterday. I just got really upset because everything I believed about karma is a lie and nice guys really do finish last and that was a lot to take in. I didn't even like Toby that much anyway.

I confronted Alison yesterday in my rage. I told her she was a slut, a bitch and I hoped she would rot in hell. It was kind of awkward because it was in the middle of the hallway. Toby was right next to her. I got so made I charged at her and Toby stepped in front of her like the chivalrous man he is. I was so mad. How dare he defend her? She was scum. And to think I once called her my best friend. I yelled at him for a bit. I don't remember what I said. He started to yell back. So I slapped him. He was saying awful things that I'm not going to repeat but they made me livid.

I ended up with a Saturday detention from one of the teachers walking past. They both got off scar-free.

I don't know how the world works anymore. I just know I feel really bad today.

I went to DADA in tears. Well, red eyes. I'd wiped my tears. Professor Helwood looked like he wanted to say something to me but he didn't. He called me back at the end of the lesson, though.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine," I smiled.

"You don't look it. Is everything okay at home?"

And then it kind of spilled out like word vomit. He was just so genuine. He cared. I told him you weren't speaking to me. I didn't tell him why. He asked if I wanted him to talk to you, and I told him I was doing enough of that for the both of us.

He gave me a much needed hug and then I went off to History of Magic.

After dinner, when we went back to the common room, nobody would look me in the eye. I couldn't get much out of anybody since nobody would talk to me but apparently: Hannah was mad at me because Alison was her best friend and it was customary. Zac was mad at me because Hannah was his girlfriend and he had to be on her side. I always expected that. Zac didn't know how to have his own opinion.

Howie wasn't mad at me, since Alison was his girlfriend and all, but he was just sad in general since he found out.

Alison wasn't there. I don't care where she was.

They all hate me. They don't hate Alison, even though she was the one who fucked up everything for us in the first place. I'm the enemy. How did that happen? How come everybody who cares ends up hating me? What am I doing wrong?

Lily.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Teddy,

Nobody is talking to me. I don't mind, really. I don't want to talk to them anyway. It's nice to be on your own. You don't have to worry about anything, and there's nobody there to hurt you.

We've been getting loads of work though. It's good, because there's no time to think about anything else. You can surround yourself in your work and give yourself no time to think, and pretty soon you'll be okay.

I saw Jade today, by the way. She was going up to the North Tower. She smiled at me, which was more than I could have asked for. But she hasn't forgiven me. She just doesn't hold a grudge like you do. I told her I was sorry. She said I should be. I said if she wanted to hit me, she could. It's seems to have helped everybody else. She looked shocked. I told her you were just as mad at me and she said you shouldn't be, I don't deserve it. She said she was over it and you should forgive me to and we could go back to being Team Ace.

Okay, so she didn't say that.

She just gave me this wise nod like she knew something I didn't. Do you still talk to her? Because she's not right for you, Teddy. She didn't make you happy like Victiore did. I was only trying to help you, Teddy! How come I try to help I become the enemy? I feel like Slytherin.

I know I've told you this before but I really am sorry. Please write me one day.

Let's try a different method: If you are a poo face, don't write me back.

Lily.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Teddy,

It's been a few weeks since we talked so maybe I'll explain what's been going on. Things have started to clear up. I sit alone most of the time and the work is still overloading but I'm managing. I'm not failing as badly anymore, especially since I topped Potions. Yes, you read right. Me! I didn't even use that book Dad always talks about. Slughorn was so impressed. "Just like your father! And your grandmother! Must be something in your blood," he laughed. Everybody just avoided his eyes and looked uncomfortable. That kind of ruined it, I guess. Even when I do something good, it becomes about Dad.

Hannah made the truce act a week ago. It was dinner, and the person behind me got up and left. She pounced and suddenly she was next to me. I jumped.

"Hey Lily," she said shyly.

"Hey," I replied.

"I... I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. For everything that happened... with Alison and that. I just hope we're still friends."

I didn't have anything to say so I just agreed with a mumble and stared at my food.

"I don't want to be between this fight and I love you both so can we just... go back to when things were normal?"

"You don't want to get between this fight? What was the last month then?"

"That was... not my fault, OK? Hannah kind of... swept me up in this. So can we go back to being friends?"

"Fine."

"Good."

Then it got awkward because I was still mad at her. She got up and left without another word.

Also, I've been slipping in DADA, so Professor Helwood offered to tutor me. He said it wouldn't look too good if Harry Potter's daughter was failing his best class. He had a point. I had my first class with him a few days ago. It was really fun. He's really funny, we basically spent the whole hour just laughing and thinking up ridiculous spells. It went much too fast. I told him that you still haven't written. He's so easy to talk to. He doesn't judge. He just listens. I think he likes me. Not like that, but he sees potential in me. He always picks on me in class when I raise my hand and gives me good marks...

It's quickly becoming my favourite class, and I'm not even that good at it.

There's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up... That's something to look forward to.

Write,

Love Lily.


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Teddy,

I'm a brunette. Yes, that's right. You should have seen the looks I got when I walked out of the bathroom, a new brunette. I even got a few winks.

Let's start from the beginning, shall I? Hannah asked me if I wanted to go with her to Hogsmeade. I think she's trying to make amends, even though she did nothing wrong. I may as well play along. I agreed to go, and guess who went too? Alison and Toby. And Zac, of course. It wasn't that awkward though. We talked. And laughed. I'd forgotten what it was like to laugh like that. Or talk to people like that. Maybe this is a step in the right direction.

We went to the Three Broomsticks, but didn't stay long. Good thing too, since Hugo was there snogging his girlfriend. I didn't look, it was disgusting. I mean, he's my cousin. It's wrong.

We went our separate ways after that, with Alison and Toby left to explore the Shrieking Shack. It doesn't shriek anymore, so what's the appeal? Alison and Zac left too, to go to Spintwitches, to check out the new Nimbus or something. Whatever it was, I'm pretty sure Mum already has it.

So that left me alone. Bored out of my brain, I went to Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. I haven't been there in ages. I saw George, but I didn't say hi. I just kept my head down and looked around. They've really turned Zongo's around. It's blooming, really. Have you been?

I was looking at... well, I'm not really sure, to be honest- when James came up behind me.

"Delicious Dye?" he asked, grinning madly. Ever since he started working here, he's been really hyper.

"What?"

He nodded to the bottle I was holding. So that was what it was. "Delicious Die. It's sort of like a polyjuice potion, but different. Just take it every few days and you can change your hair colour to whatever you want, whenever you want. It's pretty cool, huh."

"Like Teddy's," I mumbled.

"Where do you think we got the hair from?"

I put it down quickly and ended up getting some regular dye they were selling. I was lucky I didn't know employee, but he recognised me.

"A Weasley, huh? Lucky girl," he mused as he put the bottle in a bag. I pushed my hair behind me back as if that could hide it, and nodded. "Which one are you, then?" he asked.

"Molly," I lied.

He laughed. "Nice try, Lily." I forgot you can't lie when you're famous.

"If you knew who I was, why did you ask?" He shrugged and handed me the bag. I grabbed it roughly and headed out of the store. Creep.

Maybe you should sit down when you read this next part. If you're reading this at all. First of all, I'm not a creep, I'm just curious. Secondly, I had reason. Thirdly, you're not my father, don't yell at me or anything. And don't tell my father. Alright, you can keep reading.

As I was walking out, I saw Professor Helwood walking a few metres away. I was going to call out his name, but he seemed like he was a guy on a mission. He had his hands in his pockets and was strolling casually, but with intent. He waved at some students and said hi to them. When he was a good 10 metres away, I started to follow him. I didn't see a lot of teachers walking around Hogsmeade on the weekends, so it made me curious. I followed him as far as Tomes and Scrolls, and stopped just outside.

So, I'm a little creepy. But I had my reasons. He was wondering around, aimlessly looking at books. It kind of made me smile. So I oh-so-casually headed into the bookstore behind him. It wasn't empty, but it wasn't crowded, which was lucky. I ran my fingers through my hair, pushing it out of my eyes, and came over to where he was standing. He was flipping through a book.

"What're you reading?" I asked. He jumped and looked at me, surprised.

"Oh, nothing." He put it away quickly but I saw the cover. A biography of my dad, yet another one. "Just going over course content."

"Course content?" I hesitated for a second. "Oh no."

He smiled maliciously at me. "Oh yes."

"Even me?"

"You're no exception," he said.

"I am so, I've lived with the guy my whole life! Can't I go to the library or something during the lessons?"

"You know everything about your father?"

"I know enough."

"To pass an exam?"

I shrugged. "Try me."

"Alright, come here." He grabbed my arms gently and led me out of the store, up the street into a smaller lane. There were no students around, so we started to stroll. It was the way back to Hogwarts. I frowned, wondering what he was doing, going back to school in the middle of the day. But I followed him anyway and didn't think about it too much.

"Are you going to test me or something?"

"Alright. What do you know about your father?"

"Broad question. Care to narrow it down?"

"When did your father defeat Lord Voldemort?"

"1988. That's easy, everybody knows that."

So he tested me like that. For a long time, until we found ourselves on the grounds of Hogwarts, near the Quidditch pitch. He was genuinely surprised when I knew most of the answers. Shows how much faith he has in me, right? He stopped when we were a few feet away from the Forbidden Forest. "Can I show you something?" he asked.

"In there?" I nodded to the forest. "No thanks."

"It's fine. I'll be with you."

I agreed reluctantly, and he grabbed my hand and headed into the forest. I won't go into detail, I'm sure you're been in there, but it's dark and really quite scary. He kept saying "there's nothing dark in here anymore, you're okay," every time I squeezed his hand. Things were scurrying in the ground and everything was really dark and I swear roots came out of nowhere.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Here." He stopped as we approached a clearing. It was still quite dark and I was pretty sure I wasn't allowed to be there but I didn't say anything.

"It's nice." It wasn't nice. It was just a plain clearing. It was like everywhere else, but without trees.

"This is it."

"Oh..."

"You don't know what 'it' is, do you?" I shook my head and gave a sheepish smile. "This," he said, reaching his arms out wide. "Is where a part of your father died."

"There were many parts of my father that had died over the years. Which one are you referring to?" He gave me an almost sympathetic look and started to explain. Explain how my father sacrificed himself to save the Wizarding World, knowing he will die. I felt bad, not knowing about it. But it's not like I could ask, could I? You've seen his attacks, I don't want to be responsible for causing one.

"It was heroic," he told me. I agreed, just so he would stop talking about how much of a hero my father was. When I looked over at him, I realised how close he was to me. Like, really close. The story must have been so riveting I didn't notice.

"You almost make it sound interesting," I laughed.

"You don't find it interesting?" I shrugged. It was getting too heavy for me. I took a step away from him casually. He stepped right in front of me. "How about now?"

And... well, okay, I'll tell you.

I got my first kiss in the Forbidden Forest by Drew Helwood.

TELL A SOUL, AND I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN. INCLUDING DAD. NO, ESPECIALLY DAD.

Sorry this letter is so long, my head is still spinning. I don't want to eat unless I lose the taste of him. It was worth it, Teddy. I'd do it a million times over. I wish I could.

Write me and remember not to tell anyone,

Lily xx


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Teddy,

I waited after class for Drew today. I should stop calling him that, it almost slipped up when I was asking him a question today. I was waiting for him since he called me back in the middle of class. He was shuffling papers and starting to talk to me about the homework. It was kind of stupid and impulsive, but as soon as he looked up I leaned over the desk and kissed him right on the lips. Don't worry - I checked that nobody was watching. When we pulled back, he sighed and stepped back.

"I think we need boundaries." Of course. Laying down the law on me, just like everybody else. Restrictions, restrictions. It's something you get used to, I guess.

"Alright. Like?"

"Like..." he hesitated, thinking. "Not in public."

"Oh, really? Damn, I was going to show you off to my friends tomorrow," I joked, but he didn't laugh. I rolled my eyes. "What else?"

"I don't know. I'll think of them when they come. Just don't be an idiot, OK?"

"Impossible," I laughed and flipped my hair behind my shoulder.

"What's gotten into you?" he chuckled, licking his lips. I pulled myself up so I was sitting on his desk.

"I don't want to go to History. We're learning about the second wizarding war and it's so boring," I told him. He sighed and shooed me off the desk with his papers. I wasn't lying or anything. We are learning about the war and it is so boring because it's all about dad and mum and Hermione and Ron and it's enough to make anybody want to shoot themselves in the face. I can't believe I have to go from learning about them here to living with them at home.

"I'm not excusing you, so go."

"Can I get a kiss before I go?" I leaned over the desk and pecked him on the lips. It feels really fun to do those kind of things. I felt like my own person. Kind of stupid, I know.

Things have been going much to well here, it's almost eerie. Who knows, maybe I'll even get a letter from you, the way things are going. Alison and Hannah and them are back, once again. I mean, as you could expect. We're hanging out a lot more. I sit with them in class and stuff. It's not fully mended or anything, and it's nothing like what my parents have, but it's something.

Christmas is coming, really soon. You can feel it. There's snow everywhere and people are starting to rap up the year. Rose is stressing about some exams she has to do. On that note, I have some exams coming up, don't I? I should probably start listening in class.

I'll talk to you later,

Love Lily.


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Teddy,

I really hate you. I do.

Guess who got a lovely howler this morning? Right at dinner. From Dad, in case that wasn't obvious. He was really mad, Teddy. Screaming his head off. Everybody was looking and whispering and I just wanted to get out of there. Why did you do that, Teddy? Rose looked really pale and Hugo looked livid. But Al - you should have seen him. You would have been proud. Everybody hates me now. At least it's final.

I was so scared when he finally shut up. I didn't move or think or anything. I braved a look at Professor Helwood and he was staring at me, really pale. I thought he was going to faint. All the teachers had their mouths open and the students and all I could think was "I'm going to kill Teddy."

And then the whispers got louder. I just jumped up and sprinted as fast as I could out the door. I left the letter there. I ran to the bathroom and shut the door and cried. Obviously Rose, Albus, Hugo, they all followed me but I screamed at them to go away.

I hate you Teddy. I've calmed down now but I'm still mad. I mean, how could you do that? I loved him, Teddy. I swear I did. I used to tell you everything and now you go and do this? Why? Why would you do that? You can't. That's not your right. You can't not speak to me for a year and then act all fatherly and you-know-best and telling me what to do. It's not fair. You can't have both ways. You stay out of my life or you come into it and stay for good. But you can't have both ways.

Well, naturally I was called to Professor Reddam's office. I was shaking. I didn't sit down. Drew was there. He didn't look at me, he was sitting with his head in his hands in front of the headmaster's desk. Professor McGonagall was there. You should have seen the look she gave me. I think they finally got it through their thick skull that I'm not anything like Dad. Snape's portrait made some remark but I didn't catch it.

"We've discussed... the predicament," Reddam said. I said nothing. "Professor Helwood has told us everything he knows about your situation."

"My..." My mouth wouldn't move. I thought I was getting expelled, I really did. An expelled Potter. How would that look?

"Is there anything you'd like to say?" Professor McGonagall interjected. There was a lot I wanted to say, but I couldn't say any of it.

I was about to tell him that it was me, all me, when Drew spoke up. "I led her on."

And chaos ensued. In short: I'm not expelled. Drew can't work here anymore but he's not going to Azkaban. I have detention for a month but it's not as bad as it could be, right?

I caught up with him as he was leaving, really quickly. He said, really quietly so nobody would hear, that he'd write to me, but it would be hard. That having what we have is going to be hard. That maybe it would be best if we didn't continue it. Don't tell me what we had wasn't love because there was a lot more to us than I told you. I really loved him, so much.

I hate you. That's not fair. I loved him, Teddy. I really did. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I don't know what this feeling is but I think it's heartbreak. I fell in love, and now I don't know what it's done. It really hurts and you did this to me. You ruined my life and you betrayed my trust all in one blow. I thought I could trust you, Teddy, I really did. I thought you loved me. I thought you were the only person in the world who I can tell anything to. I don't know why you did it, but I really hate you for it. More than anything. I guess we're even, right?

L.


	10. A Message To You

**Hello readers,**

**I just wanted to say a huge thank you for reading my story and for sticking with me even through the boring and poorly written parts. I do love and appreciate you guys, every one of you. You guys made me want to write. **

**But all good things come to an end and I've gotten kinda bored of this story. It's not my fault! I'm sorry. I won't be updating this story anymore.**

**I would love it though, if you could check out the story I _am _updating at the moment. It's called Take Me Along and I think you can see it on my page. I'd really appreciate it if you could read it and tell me what you think, I'm quite proud of it.**

**Thank you all so much, and again, I'm sorry.**

**Lovelovelove,**

**Julia.**


	11. One Last Thing

This story is now being continued by PotterLover102! You can read it here: .net/s/7446011/1/Letters_to_Teddy


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